Leeds Banter Archive May 28 2014

 

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28 May 2014 18:49:00
ED A few jokes for the ladies at men´s expense.

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends, ' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, ' OHIO STATE!'
And they say blondes are dumb.

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A couple is lying in bed. The man says, 'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world. '

The woman replies, 'I'll miss you. '

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'It's just too hot to wear clothes today, ' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower. 'Honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'

'Probably that I married you for your money, ' she replied.

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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumour

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Dear Lord,

I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; and Patience for his moods.

Because, Lord, if I pray for strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN

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Q: Why do little boys whine?

A: They are practising to be men.

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Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?

A: Trustworthy.

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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

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Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?

A: It helps them remember which end to wipe.

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Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

A: Rename the email folder 'Instruction Manuals'

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While creating husbands, God promised women that good and ideal husbands would be found in all corners of the world.

. then He made the earth round!

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GO ON HAVE A LAUGH MOT

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{Ed013's Note - We do have a jokes site you may find useful mate}

Thanx ED got loads of jokes.

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Ed is it ok to post sexist jokes now?

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{Ed013's Note - If any offend people I will take them down, just let me know. Obviously the jokes page is better suited}

Ive got some great blonde jokes

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Tomas brolin was a blonde joke

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Went to the sea food disco last night

Pulled a mussell

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Must say they could be thought of as a little offensive. I myself am not particularly offended; however I guess that this is a site mainly visited by men, therefore I do wonder what crap we would get if we posted jokes of a similar nature on a predominately female site!

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28 May 2014 14:33:22
Of the recently released players from Premiership clubs, who in your mind do you think that we should go for (Albrighton Marc, Delfouneso Nathan, Vellios Apostolos, Duff Damien Anthony, Riise John Arne, Sidwell Steven James, Fryatt Matthew Charles, Pantilimon Costel Fane, Macheda Federico, Etherington Matthew, Kebbie Elliot, Barnard Lee James, Ustari Oscar, Vaughan David Owen, Westwood Keiren, Gera Zoltan, Ridgewell Liam Matthew, Cole Joseph John, Collison Jack David, McCartney George, Spence Jordan James)?

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Undouptedly a decent team can be built from those released players, however the follwoing is who I would like to see signed. However, we have no chance as most probably all will demand £20k / week plus wages.

Liam Ridgewell
Jack Collison
Marc Albrighton
Matt Ethrington
Steve Sidwell

Up front maybe Velios

I would have added Pantilimon, but I would rather see Bentley sign.

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Pantilimon
Riise
Ustari
Collision
Gera

will do

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Just to add, I really hope that MC manages to get the house in order soon, as we may miss out on most of these players if not.

there are 2 or 3 here that with Rossco, Byram, Mowatt and Pearce we can build on. that coupled with giving Taylor, Cooke, Walters and Dawson a chance the making of a good first team squad. Plus I want to see this McDaid given a chance.

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Vellios, sidwell, etherington, westwood and collison

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Ridgewell
Collison
Westwood
Albrighton
Sidwell
Etherington

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Albrighton just signed for Leicester.

Mad Mick

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Lampards has been released

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To be honest, all of them with the exception of Moxey would better our team! . Hang on a minute .

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Westwood
Vellios
Collison
Sidwell

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28 May 2014 12:51:05
Now I am in no way a fan of David Haigh, what he has done, what he stands for or what he is trying to do, however is it me that finds this charge and trial a little convenient!? MC discovers all sorts of holes in the accounts, spy cameras etc and pretty much GFH bring charges against DH. It has to be too much of a coincidence!
Is it that GFH saw the net closing around them, the bad publicity, the clear findings that they, as a bank, have no idea how to either run a company or make a profit?
I think someone put on here earlier is he a scape goat? I believe he is guilty of much, but I also believe that there are many other guilty parties in GFH and this is a way to try and draw a line under everything and save their own skins!

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I agree it does seem to be a little convenient and that fact they invited him to Dubai with a job offer shows they were after him.
I am afraid MC has bought a pile of trouble and there will be many more disclosures of irregularities in the finances before it is all washed through.

While I do not think all of what will have gone on will be illegal (some of it probably will) much of it will be either unethical or immoral.

We need to support the playing side and enjoy the rollercoaster that next season will be, good bad or indifferent it will certainly be interesting.

Lets just watch the business/financial stuff play out while giving the team our full unequalled support and putting a twelfth man out there every week.
MOT

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I was going to post along the same "conspiracy theory" line, but was sure Ed would let the post on.

All too convenient I agree, but does it by chance have any affect on the precedings he is pursuing with the club over the money he invested, sorry, lent.

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Oxwhite I agree. I do think that if the team do go on a run like we did after Christmas fans will turn on the team. We need to be more consistent. I would settle for a top ten finish next season with a evenly spread mixed bag of win, loses and draws. Just need stability for a year before making a assault on leaders.

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28 May 2014 12:40:32
I do hope the sale of cagilari will kick start our transfer window with us signing some premier league class players.
Goalkeeper needed: Daniel bentley would be a great signing
Centre back needed: Greer, mills, alex Pearce and Keogh all good targets
Full back needed: tommy rowe, good target
Wingers needed: pringle, agard, lua lua, robson kanu, matt Richie and jerome Thomas all good targets
Striker needed: chris o'grady, makail smith, emnes, Vaughan, assamobolango and joe garner all good targets
If we sign players of this calibre we will improve our style of play and therefore push for promotion
Any thoughts?

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At last a post that has sensible and possible targets.
Really not sure about Pringle though!

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28 May 2014 12:03:40
MC has agreed to sell Cagliari to the American investors with a €10 million down payment as of today and and another €67 million when they get the planning permission for a new stadium which won't be long according to MC himself. Paperwork to be signed on Friday according to YEP.
HAPPY DAYS

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28 May 2014 09:53:02
Leeds United owner Massimo Cellino has reportedly agreed the sale of Serie A club Cagliari to a group of American investors led by Luca Silvestrone.


A deal has been agreed in principle following a meeting between the investors and Cellino in Miami on Tuesday and is now just waiting the final signature - and Cellino is hoping to complete the deal on Friday.


The deal involves a 10m Euros initial payment plus a further 67m Euros on the approval of Cagliari's new stadium.


An agreement has been reached, with a letter of intent reportedly drafted.

-At last some good news and now hopefully we can now start looking forward to next season.

-Also says that sporting director Nicola Salerno at Cagliari may be coming to take up role of that at Leeds which will mean in charge of the transfer dealings.

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28 May 2014 09:02:42
Hi Just to expand my previous note how about a England team of Leeds players

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28 May 2014 09:00:29
Dont mind if its NOT printed ED, just thought you might like to take alook or post it yourself the write up on newsnow about MG pt2.
Interesting reading about MC and whilst i'm hoping most of it is wrong i'm beginning to feel its going to be RIGHT.

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{Ed013's Note - I will have a read after I come back from a meeting Andy}

28 May 2014 09:30:54
I'm afraid I've got to agree with OP the club is been run like a dictatorship & whilst I agree that the club needs someone to grab it by the horns & steer it in the right direction I don't think Cellino is that person . Just imagine if your boss called you back to work halfway through your family holiday if you answer the question honestly you would have him down as a right person & that is not a healthy relationship to have with a team of men you want to run their blood to water for you every week, I have genuine fears for the club just my opinion .

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I just love closed season. So much guessing so much speculation. But that's just it, its speculation. What we tend to forget is we have a professional business man who to be fair has been and is successful. He knows the importance of getting promoted it's his money after all. Getting players to return early and we are worried they will be upset? Not as upset as I was watching their dreadful displays. Get them back early and get them to work 25 days holiday is what they are entitled to. so we give them more holiday for being carp? As for MC and having no money I have no idea where that comes from. But throwing money at a loss making venture is not right either. Give him at least until the end of next season guys. The players are not at work, the transfer window has not opened, but all I see on here is doom and gloom. Don't fear change embrace it. It's time to trust someone with our club may as-well be MC.

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Well Andy, to be honest Chapmans Sofa has never been a Cellino fan and indeed did he not call Leeds fans children of 18 to 70. I think we have to wait and see what unfolds, it is pointless speculating as only Cellino knows the depth of the situation at our club and we are all surfers on his wave!

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Totally disagree, he is the right man for the job as he's the only one with the cash and the bottle to take on such a massive job, all the crap he's had to deal with so far beggars belief, he could have walked away months ago and who would have blamed him, but he took on a poor side along with all the mess and debt left by Bates et al, once the dust has settled I fully expect to have a team far better than the last few years, the only way is up methinks.

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VIDlufc
Totally agree but you have to read things in these uncertain times.
MC good or bad the other alternative was GFH still in charge then by 2017 Bates would buy us for next to nothing.

Mot

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28 May 2014 07:57:13
Reported in Italian press this morning. The sale of Cagliari has been agreed in principle. Here is MC statement

"I am delighted - said Cellino meeting at the end - I hope you do not do to them what they did to me. We reached an agreement and we drafted a letter of intent providing for their entry into the company in stages." Cellino to sell over Cagliari, even the sports center Asselby, the land of Elmas (where the stadium would rise private) but not the clubhouse. "It 's one of my personal memory - concluded Cellino, president of Cagliari since 1992 - will give the rent except the' top floor, where I'll keep the offices of my company.""

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